[ REPOST ]
This post generated over 40 comments… so, I’ve reposted it for MORE discussion.
(and if you left a previous comment, feel free to update us with what’s up now!)
Have you ever found yourself absolutely lost right in the middle of God’s perfect will? It’s like you totally know that He has you where He has you for a purpose — there’s obvious signs that there’s destiny in your existence — and yet, there’s so much uncertainty and wonder. It’s not a fear thing, or even a confusion thing; because God’s right there. And yet, you still find yourself holding your breath at times as you stare into space searching for significance and some sort of structure that puts everything into perspective.
You are confident of God’s calling but you can’t seem to find the job description, title, position or opportunity to do the things that make you come totally alive. You feel like you’re close… really close but, then again, you’re not even sure that you would know it if you ran right into it. Like lava churning in your heart, when you try to explain what’s happening, even to God, it blows like a volcano in all directions, loudly, quickly and recklessly.
So, you press on. Serve. Listen. Wait…
I don’t want those who read this to think I’ve lost my mind, but then again, I certainly don’t want them to think I’ve got it all together either. In the last year I’ve been called ‘pastor’ at two great churches, I’ve also been called: husband, father, son, brother, leader, minister, presbyter, entrepreneur, mentor, speaker, coach, friend, neighbor, director, reverend, staff, evangelist, barista, discipler and captain. That’s a lot of hats to wear! And, I’m still not sure that I’m doing all that I’m supposed to be doing (or not doing).
In Ephesians 4:11, it says that “these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers.” ALL five of these should be functioning in healthy church leadership, yet it kind of seems like all churches just want ‘pastors,’ and maybe a few ‘teachers.’ Is that weird to anyone else? And, yes, I’m “Pastor Chilly” — so, I only add to the confusion. What about those that are more apostolic? Or prophetic? Don’t see many job openings for those guys?
Oops! This journal
post rant is really not about ‘titles’ and ‘jobs’ … I’m not sure it’s about anything. Or, maybe it’s about everything! I’m trying to find myself, knowing that I’m found in others. Hmmm, that was a weird statement.
I find my greatest joy in mining for potential and then refining it for purpose. Helping people. Experiencing fun while serving. Impacting cities with love. Turning on the light in dark places. Identifying vulnerabilities and turning them into victories. Winning. Building crazy awesome teams. Adventure. Making stars out of trash. Changing the world in others. Loving people. Attempting impossibilities.
How do you do get to do these things and still pay the bills?
I know I’m IN God’s will. I know He’s using me. And, for the most part, I’m pretty confident that I’m pleasing Him. So, why do I feel transition? Why keep searching for meaning? Why want MORE? Maybe, simply, because that’s the way God wired me.
Because, like you, I’m an original. I wasn’t designed by God to become someone else’s job description. To fall into line. Play it safe. Do a job. Check a box. Yawn! NO way!
I have big ideas, unique creativity, crazy dreams, tons of passion, huge expectations and focused determination. I want to leave a legacy. I will WIN!
Do I wish it all made sense? No… that would require ZERO faith. I need faith. So, I’ll remain in the middle of God’s will — it will all make sense one day — and, on that day, it won’t even matter to me. One thing I do know, “He’s holding me with both hands” (my daughter Courtney taught me this)… and in His hands is the only place I want to be.
**By the way, since this rant, I have had 3-4 job descriptions or responsibilities, I’ve sold 2 houses and purchased another, and I’m now a youth pastor AGAIN! Awesome, right? The adventure is SO MUCH better than I could write myself. I’m trusting Him. I’m thrilled! And, the BEST is yet to come!
I’m also launching a youth ministry based, discipleship program in the Fall for those 18-24 ready to live recklessly abandoned to the call of Christ! It’s called //SpynOne! Stay tuned!
IF any of this resonated with you, feel free to leave a comment…